The road that led to me


I sort of went on a sabbatical for a few months to clear my head, to know my heart, and to search for truth.  I never knew how freeing it is to take a break from the world, its opinions, but mostly its weight on my shoulders. I forgot what it was like to just breathe, to take a long walk in the park, to sit outside and gaze at the beauty that’s around us. God is the artist of our world. We can get so caught up with everyday life, work, stress, relationships, school, ourselves- that we don’t notice the beautiful colors of a sunrise, the magnitude of the sky, the feeling of the crisp breeze on our skin, the warmth of the sun on our face, or the possibility of a dream. Somewhere in between the chaos and busyness of life, I lost myself. I abandoned my purpose. I went from chasing after my dreams, to chasing after nothing. I became complacent and yet too comfortable with the way things were.  I wondered how I got to where I am.  I mean, I was trying to figure who I was. Where did the old me go? Where did the passion to make a difference in this world disappear to? What happened to the bold, courageous girl- who wasn’t afraid to dream BIG. Who saw beauty in every person. Who appreciated the splendor of our Creator?  How did the girl who freed herself from the cage she was in- fly back in her cage? I realized what had happened and I wasn’t okay with it. That is when reality hit me and truth found me. I was free again. We can get lost along the journey. Even sidetracked. We must not forget who we are, what we were destined for, or even the simplicity of life. Going on this sabbatical of finding myself- was the best decision I ever made. I found myself again, and somehow, I have become ALIVE. I want to dream again, laugh again, FLY again, and never be just okay with settling.  Search for truth. Embrace freedom. Understand spiritual things. Appreciate nature. Don’t be mad on the path you may be on. It is where you need to be at this very moment.

Yes, I was on a road that was uncertain, but it was the road that led to me.


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Taste of Happiness


For all you who know me personally, I Google everything.
It was a rainy day one Saturday morning and I typed in happiness. I didn’t know why or what I was looking for, but this is the image that stood out to me.

Pictures can speak volumes and everyone sees something different.
When I studied this picture, what I saw was freedom… Serenity… a taste of happiness.

What does it mean to be happy?? How does one know when they’ve truly reached that place of true bliss?

Most of my life, I’ve searched and searched for this thing called “happiness”. What did it feel like? What did it look like? What did it taste like?
I was tired of the momentary happiness. The kind that lasts for a day, and evaporates tomorrow.
So many of us try to find happiness in a person, in aquiring a lot of money & possession’s, in our accomplishments and successes. Then we get dissapointed when we realize that person is human, get depressed when the money runs out or isn’t enough, and the only thing left after our accomplishments is a empty feeling in our heart.

Why is it a person can have all these things and still not be happy?? I’ll tell you why- None of those things are promised to last forever. Those may bring joy & smiles to our lives for a little while but not true happiness.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately & I think happiness lies deep within your inner being. In the way you perceive life, in the way you see yourself, finding peace in your soul. A place of absolute love. Learning to love yourself. To love others. To find God. To be able to do that, is when you’ve found true happiness. You won’t look to things or even people to make you happy, because you will never be satisfied that way. You will look into yourself and see beauty, strength, and courage. That being you is enough.

So many people are lost and have no idea who they are. They can’t find peace in the midst of chaos. They dread tomorrow.

I wanted to know what happiness felt like all my life. Now I know.  I feel so many emotions at once. Wonder, excitement, hope, love, passion, peace.

To truly find yourself is only the beginning to a taste of happiness.

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The gypsy moves again. (Moving sucks)


Isn’t moving suppose to be fun and exciting??? It’s a new chapter in your life’s book. Out with the old, in with the new kind of thing. Although it sounds like oodles of fun before the actual moving begins, you don’t feel that way during the process of packing and unpacking, cleaning, leaving family and friends behind, and reminiscing on memories you’ve shared in a place you once called home.  It’s crazy how life works. It’s full of constant change, new places, new faces, and new homes. At least for me it is. I feel like a gypsy sometimes traveling from place to place, wondering when I am going to settle down for at least 15- 20 years. lol. Maybe it’s because I am 25 and marriage, kids, and a career is expected of me already.  I am still finding out who I am. I guess you could say I am a late bloomer.

I thought I was going to be happy moving from that tiny little apartment and my crabby landlord. Then something strange dawned on me. Was it a hint of sadness? Was I really going to miss this tiny home of mine? A tear falls down my face as I remember the feeling of first moving in with my partner together. The laughter, the smiles, the arguments, the plans we’ve made, but most importantly the love that was shared.

I am thrilled to be getting a bigger place, that we are growing up and figuring out what we want to do with the rest of our lives: including having a baby. Moving is definitely a pain in the ass and not to mention exhausting but it’s a big part of your life.  It’s part of your story, part of your journey, and part of who you are.

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Ordinary People


Do you ever just look at the people around you and wonder what their life is like? I always wonder who they really are as a person, what their struggles are, or if they battle with loneliness.

I remember as a kid, no matter where I would go, I would pretend to know what everyone’s life was like. My imagination grew wild and I would make up stories for them in my head.  I often wished I was a part of another family, another life. Was there other kids who went through what I went through? Were the kids who seemed so happy at school, really happy? Or did they cry themselves to sleep like I did? I was curious about life. I was curious about people. I often pictured how everything was suppose to be. Maybe it was from reading so many books. My mind always wandered.

As I grew older and experienced life, hardships, deaths, sicknesses, financial difficulty, and heartbreaks- the questions increased. My imagination had died some. After going through so much pain in life, you snap back into reality. Fairy tales only come in books. That is why I love to write so much. You go into a realm of the unknown, the land of OZ. Something you don’t experience here on earth. You create your own characters and determine their endings.

I like getting to know people. I love to learn about their life, their culture, their views on life, even their past.  Everyone is so different. What made them who they are today? What inspired them to achieve their dreams? How did they become homeless? How did they get so angry? Is there any way I can help them?

I even wonder if people wonder about other people? Lol. Like am I the only one? When I am feeling ungrateful, I think to myself, what if someone else has it worse than me.  And then, my outlook on everything changes. When I meet people who have gone through hell and back, I start to be thankful I didn’t have the worst life.  Get to know people. You will be surprised on who you meet. But I will always wonder about the people I will never get to meet and what impact they have in this world.


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Atheism Is Not a Silver Bullet

I am not a atheist but I love his view point. It’s true, religions separate themselves and cause more reason for hate and separation. I believe in GOD- but I do not have a religion. I believe in LOVE and loving others regardless of what I believe or what you believe.

Nick Bradbury

In software development we have a saying: there is no silver bullet. It means that no one thing will dramatically improve the quality of the programs we write. No single thing will save us.

I believe my fellow atheists should adopt this saying because too many of them act like the world would be a better place if everyone thought like we do.

This stance isn’t limited to a few well-known atheists. It seems like every time I click on an article that mentions religion the comment thread is peppered by skeptics denouncing other beliefs and touting their own non-belief as the one true thing. That the irony of this is lost on these people is a clear sign they’re not thinking straight.

Let me be clear: I consider myself a devout atheist and have been one since elementary school. Countless times I have experienced prejudice for not believing…

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That force called LOVE

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.
Barbara de Angelis


This is my favorite quote when talked about what love is. We can go on for hours debating and arguing about what it truly means. What is LOVE really? This “force” that makes everyone go mad. This force that causes the most pain, yet the most joy and completeness. We all have our own definition of what love is. People like to label and confine it. In other words to put conditions on love. Those conditions can be merely by opinion or one’s way of thinking.  There’s a lot of love blockers in our world. It can be blocked by religion, culture, orientation, opinion, rejection from family members, or even by our own selves not letting love in and letting this beautiful force inhabit our bodies, minds and souls.

I will tell you what I think of love. I think love is dancing with the stars, flying over oceans, soaring through the galaxies, crashing into earth,  experiencing the heavens, drowning in tears all at once. You may think wow she is weird. Those have been my experiences with love.  Emotions so strong and so fierce I didn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t like the simple type of relationship. The kind of type that is like a unseasoned baked chicken with no flavors. LOL. I dislike the same “routine love” that get’s boring. I am the type to keep lighting fires everyday once the flame goes out. Love can kill and love can revive.

I noticed that some people fall in love with attention. They go from one person to the next, claiming they love them all. People confuse love with infatuation. Love isn’t a word you take lightly. It’s a emotional commitment. Today’s generation views love as something temporal. No one believes in the forever, fairytale type of love.  I am not ashamed to say that I do. Fairytale in people’s eyes is defined as “perfect or flawless”. Let me make this perfectly clear. There is no perfect love. Only two people trying to perfect it everyday for the rest of their lives or however long they can stay together. Love is a beautiful emotion, yet it isn’t just based on feelings. It’s a fight to keep trying to see if there’s any little spark left. If there’s not, it’s time to move on with your life. If there’s that little spark, add fire, add fuel, add passion, add romance, add more dinner dates, add more conversation,  add whatever has been subtracted from your love life.

If you don’t truly love the person, DON’T SAY IT!! Don’t utter words for the sake of need & attention. Be ready to live up to those words.


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Pedophiles who murder the soul


This is the mug shot of a young woman who claimed to be in love with a 8 year old as told to Police Detectives.  Eldevise Almonia from Great Falls, MT is a 21 year old female who was charged last night with sexual intercourse with a minor. There were two incidents where she admitted to fondle and kiss the Child according to Court Documents.

Friends who knew and went to high school with her find it hard to believe how someone so nice could do such a monstrous thing. She seemed pretty normal. She seemed witty and funny. No one understands. My heart goes out to her family and friends, especially this little girl who will have to live with this the rest of her life.

Melissa Ruth Long was one of her best friends. She never dreamed that the person she saw everyday, who was liked by everyone could be such a person.  These are her words.

“When I first met her she was really nice. She was funny and seemed really interested in me. My other friends liked her and we teased her all the time and she seemed to be okay with it. She talked about her niece a lot and would show me pictures of her on her phone. They were normal pictures, they looked really happy in them. Me and Edelvise never hung out outside of college but we saw each other almost every day. I never thought she would be the kind of person to do something like this.  She admitted that she had a crush on me and liked me which I thought was a little awkward but I didn’t let it affect our friendship much. I guess when we hugged I kinda felt weird like she hung on for too long or something. But when she talked about her niece it was completely normal like a friend or aunt would talk about their family”.

I think everyone is shocked by a family member who commits such a crime of perversion. I asked her how her family was holding up and taking everything that went on.

She said  “I think the little girl’s mother is just shocked and disappointed and can’t believe Edelvise would do that. They were really close. Other than that I don’t really know.”

What is it about these individuals that get off on doing something so evil to a child?? I don’t think anyone could possibly understand this behavior or even want to try. My opinion is that every Child offender should be put on death row. Some people believe there shouldn’t even be the death penalty law. If people put to death someone who murders the body, what about someone who murders the soul? That little girl is going to live with that scar for the rest of her life. It murdered her innocence and shattered her trust. That in itself is murder. Statistics say that “The average pedophile will victimize 244 children in their lifetime, according to the Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund, a child advocacy group working to prevent child abuse and neglect.”  Also, “”On average, a pedophile will victimize hundreds of children”.

Come on people, the most jail time they might get is between 5-10 years. Not enough. So they can be let out and abuse more children? This story honestly breaks my heart. I have also been a victim of sexual abuse when I was a child. It affects your whole life and you are lucky if you get back a fraction of who you use to be.

Let’s start being a voice where silence has resided long enough. A voice for those who can’t defend themselves. A voice for innocence and justice.

So I leave you with this quote.  “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent on things that matter.” Martin Luther King

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